Having struggled with conceiving their first two kids, they had prayed that if God wanted them to have a third one, they would be able to do so naturally. 

Within a month of that prayer, the couple discovered that Joy was pregnant.

Everything seemed to be smooth sailing – until the 21-week detailed scan.

“It was a very, very huge shock,” said Joy.

“I would never forget the scene where the (sonographer) did the detailed scan and was happily introducing the different parts of Jalen,” added Jason.

“And then (she) suddenly turned quiet and looked at the screen. I could tell it had to do with the heart area.”

The chirpy sonographer turned solemn, and the room fell silent. 

A paediatric cardiologist was called in, delivering a devastating diagnosis to the couple.

The detailed scan showed that there were five major defects in Jalen’s heart, rendering him pretty much incompatible with life.

Jalen had hypoplastic right heart syndrome with pulmonary atresia. In short, he only had half a heart.

Even if he did survive all the major surgeries, they were told Jalen would not have a normal life.

The couple was then advised to terminate the pregnancy. 

Was this not a gift from God?

“The amount of pain, turmoil and sadness that enveloped me during those days were tough to bear,” said Joy, as she thought about the loss of her child. 

“I felt abandoned by God. I felt He did not keep His promise and gave me something I could not bear.” 

Having already felt Jalen kicking inside of her, Joy could not bring herself to go through with the termination, which would involve taking an injection to make her baby’s heart stop and delivering him as a stillborn.

“I didn’t know how I was going to give that permission for that needle to poke and stop his heart. How was I going to live with this decision?” questioned Joy.

“Once we heard the news, we didn’t speak to each other for at least two weeks. We totally disregarded the Jalen issue, and just continued our duties as Mum and Dad to our older kids.” 

Joy with her two older children: Jaylene, 7, and Jayden, 4.

Jason, too, was fighting an internal battle.

“My head was telling me to just abort, to just end this journey,” he said. Based on the information they had been given, it seemed like the logical decision to make.

“But my heart told me that I was in no position to do so; this was not my decision to make.

“I was also reminded of the prayer that we made before – that if God wanted to give us a third child, He had to do it through us and not anyone else. And He gave us this child.”

With barely much time to make a decision (abortion is only legal in Singapore for up to 24 weeks of pregnancy), the couple sought advice from the people around them, including other doctors.

“The first few people that we saw in the private practice kept telling us to terminate,” recounted Joy.

“When we shared the news with our family, they also encouraged us to terminate. That was when I just shut down.

“I couldn’t really function because I felt forced to do something I didn’t want to. I felt like I had no choice.”

This was a bittersweet family photoshoot taken after Jalen’s diagnosis, as the couple thought that they might not be able to keep their son.

Sharing about how he prayed a lot during those few weeks, Jason confessed that he was leaning towards an abortion even though Joy felt otherwise.

“At that point of time, most of my prayers were blaming God. Why did He allow such a thing to happen to me?” he asked.

However, something supernatural happened on one particular night.

Jason had been praying, when a strong feeling came over him to seek out another medical opinion. 

It made no sense since they had already consulted one of Singapore’s top paediatric cardiologists.

“Prior to this, I had never really heard from God. I didn’t know how to hear from God,” he elaborated.

But the prompting was so intense that Jason decided to obey, calling up different hospitals.

Due to their tight timeline, they were only able to get an appointment with KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH).

This open door turned out to be a godsend.

What if there was another way?

Met with much empathy, the doctors at KKH offered Joy the option of carrying Jalen to full term, delivering him and making him comfortable until he passed on.

Before making the final decision on whether to proceed with the pregnancy, the couple also talked to their youth pastor and his wife.

“During that meeting we prayed life into Jalen’s tiny body, and we repented that we were grieving before his time was up,” said Joy.

Miraculously, an unexplainable peace and comfort filled their hearts right after that meeting.

For the first time in weeks, the couple were finally able to look at each other in the eye and discuss about Jalen.

“We released the decision to God, whether to take him away from us or not. God is the only one who can give and take away life,” she emphasised.

After making the decision to keep their baby, Joy also experienced a change within her spirit.

“I was finally able to fall asleep at night with ease. There was no more overwhelming sadness within me.”

What followed next were multiple appointments at KKH, from the team in charge of high-risk pregnancies, to palliative care and medical social workers.

“We received a lot of comfort, a lot of hope,” related Jason.

“What was described to us by the paediatric cardiologist in KKH was quite different.”

“He was the first and only person that gave us assurance that Jalen would be able to live a reasonably normal life,” added Joy.

They would only later find out that the paediatric cardiologist was a Christian and also a former classmate of one of their church leaders.

This would not be the only moment when they felt like God was watching out for them.

Joy’s pregnancy proceeded as usual; Jalen was a full-term baby.

Born on August 31, 2023, Jalen was delivered in his 38th week, with no complications. 

Describing her Caesarian section (C-sec), Joy added that she was able to listen to worship songs because the hospital had recently started music therapy for patients before and during surgery.

Hoping to lessen their financial strain, Joy said they had also chosen a six-bedder C-class ward with no air-conditioning.

However, after 15 minutes of being wheeled into the ward, a nurse asked if she preferred to be transferred to another ward without babies.

To Joy’s surprise, she was brought to an air-conditioned B2+ ward as there were no other C-class beds available. 

There, only three out of five beds were occupied. The other two patients were also soon discharged, leaving Joy in the room for the remaining two days of her stay.

“How great is our God! It was not even a prayer. It was just a complaint I had, and He blessed me and answered my every possible want in the situation I was in.”

Covered in prayer by many groups of people, the couple were hoping that Jalen could gain weight quickly so that he could go for his first heart surgery.

Jalen, the brave fighter

Due to Jalen’s condition, he was in the neonatal then children’s intensive care unit for 66 days. 

“I remembered the helpless feeling when I first saw him. There were so many plugs and tubes going into his tiny body, arms and legs,” said Joy.

“However, we praise God that he was looking so much more pink than the doctors said he would.

“He did not look like a blue baby. No one could tell what was wrong with him just based on his appearance. He looked like a normal baby.”

The days following Jalen’s birth were filled with many tests and scans, as doctors were trying to determine a date for his first open heart surgery. 

“He contracted MRSA (a bacterial infection), and there were problems with feeding and gaining weight, so the initial surgery date was pushed back a couple of times,” explained Joy.

Jalen’s vitals were initially stable. However, his whole body eventually swelled up due to all the medication that he was on.

Travelling to and fro KKH on public transport daily despite recovering from a C-sec wound was also painful, but the mother of three managed to anyway.

“I also don’t know how I did it,” said Joy. “When people ask me, the only answer I have is it was God’s grace and strength that carried me through.” 

As Jalen’s oxygen saturation was slowly dropping, the doctors decided to go ahead with surgery on October 11, regardless of his weight or MRSA status.

This surgery would involve placing a shunt in Jalen, so that it would create a new path for deoxygenated blood to flow from his heart to his lungs. 

“We trusted God to guide the surgeon’s hands and carry him through this operation. Many others were also in prayer with us during his surgery,” said Joy.

Their prayers were answered – Jalen’s first operation was indeed a success!

The scars on Jalen’s body bear witness to all the surgeries he has undergone.

However, there were more challenges in the days to come.

As Jalen’s vitals were not doing too well and his oxygen saturation was hovering at 60–70%, the doctors told the couple that Jalen might have to undergo another emergency operation if his condition did not improve.

A week later, a decision was made to switch the ventilator to spontaneous mode, in hopes that Jalen would initiate breathing on his own.

Within a day, however, Jalen’s oxygen level kept dropping and he became breathless.

“Through an X-ray, they saw that the air sacs in his lungs had burst and were leaking air into his chest wall,” described Joy. 

“His surgeon was called down to do an emergency procedure on him and a chest tube was re-inserted to release air pressure.”

There were many health scares, but Jalen overcame them all.

Thankfully, Jalen slowly showed improvement in his condition over the next few days.

He was finally able to be transferred from intensive care to the step-down unit, where they would try to wean him off all the machines and tubes.

But as Jalen’s oxygen saturation did not seem to be rising even after more than a week, the doctors told the couple that it was highly likely that they would have to bring him home with various machines to support his breathing. 

“That was another huge stress point in terms of caregiving and finances,” said Joy.

The cost of procuring all the different machines and consumables would have easily exceeded $5,000 even after subsidy. 

“I started to pray for Jalen’s condition to improve, so that we would not need to bring him home with any machines. If not, then to somehow help with this financial burden.”

Four days later, God answered Joy’s prayer again.

“The homecare nurse texted me saying someone returned all the three different medical equipment that Jalen needed, and we just had to pay for the consumables and oxygen,” she marvelled.

“This cut our cost by about 75%. Praise God! I was just dumbfounded.”

Jalen could finally go home, but he was back in the hospital again after a week.

Never alone

But even after his initial discharge, Jalen would go in and out of hospital repeatedly over the next few months.

Around a month later, his oxygen level plummeted to 30–40%, requiring hospitalisation and intubation again.

Although Jalen’s second heart surgery was only planned for between six and nine months old, the doctors decided to bring it forward, performing this when he was four months old.

While the operation was a success, it was not long before Jalen was back in the ICU again.

“He was struggling to breathe, and his oxygen levels were not that fantastic,” said Joy. “They found out that his windpipe collapsed due to a complication from too many intubations.”

For a long time, Jalen’s condition was not stable.

Estimating that Jalen spent six out of the first eight months of his life in KKH, Joy said: “It was very crazy. By eight months old, he already had seven surgeries.

“After work, I would go down to the hospital to deliver the milk, then after that I would head back home.

“Our older children also suffered. Because of that, we didn’t have dinner with them for the longest time.”

By the time the couple reached home, it was usually bedtime for their then three-year-old and six-year-old. On weekends, their daughter and son would also follow them to the hospital.

Remembering how earlier on there were well-meaning people who advised them to terminate the pregnancy since they already had two kids, Jason said: “It’s true that we’re not able to spend as much time with our two older children. Financially, we’re not able to splurge on them too.”

“But through Jalen, I feel that our older children can learn a lot of things – not to take their own health for granted, and that there are a lot of things to give thanks for. We don’t need expensive things,” noted Joy.

Today, their three children play well together – the older siblings always shower Jalen with a lot of love.

Revealing that they had to balance Jalen’s needs for long-term caregiving and having sufficient income, she said: “I was willing to take no-pay leave, but we were so afraid of the medical bills that were racking up. 

While she was not able to work from home due to her job as an air traffic controller, Joy was grateful that her bosses understood when there were times she had to drop everything due to Jalen’s unstable condition.

“They were flexible. I could still attend to both my job and Jalen at the same time.”

Likewise, Jason also saw God’s hand in how he was able to juggle both his home and work responsibilities as a primary school teacher with the help from supportive colleagues.

“Every time when things felt like they were going to crash, it seemed that there was a safety net that God put in place,” observed Jason.

“There was always someone there to give us a lift or a boost. That motivated me to just keep going.”

Jalen also has a birth defect in his ear, and he once had to be hospitalised due to an infection. The doctors are waiting until he is older to determine the next steps.

Sharing how they had also recently changed church before Jalen was conceived, Joy said: “I feel that God placed us in this cell and this church for this purpose as well. They were really behind us.”

As Jalen was unable to be insured due to his condition, their cell leader from Gospel Light started a fundraiser to alleviate some of their medical expenses.

Prayer and practical support also poured in, from offers to shop for groceries, to caring for their older children.

“We didn’t ask, but it was just given to us. It helped us a lot. We felt less alone in this journey,” said Joy.

“That’s another way that we felt that God had us in mind. He’s not going to put us through something we cannot bear.”

God of the impossible

Admitting that it has not been easy, Joy shared: “It has been very, very tough. But somehow we’re able to get by. God didn’t give us something that we couldn’t bear.” 

Currently, 16-month-old Jalen is able to breathe on his own, though his oxygen saturation is only around 70-75%.

“That also explains why his growth is slow, at a three-quarter pace,” said Jason. “If you look at him, you would think he’s a nine- to 10-month-old baby, or a small one-year-old if you’re stretching it.”

At Jalen’s one-year-old celebration, family and friends who had journeyed with the couple were present, including their cell group.

“His weight and height are below the third percentile. He’s really, really small for his age,” said Joy. “But intellectually, he’s fine.”

While Jalen has to be on daily aspirin to thin his blood and iron supplements because of anaemia, he does not require any other special care.

The toddler has also recovered from a few bouts of flu and fever without needing to be hospitalised.

“My biggest struggle is probably taking care of him,” she added. “Because until now, his body still functions a bit like a newborn.

“He still requires milk every two to three hours. And that’s taken a huge toll on me, physically and mentally.” 

Although Jalen has started on solids, he is still not eating a lot. He has also just taken his first steps a few days ago. 

The family enjoys walks in nature and other outdoor activities.

Nonetheless, the couple are amazed by Jalen’s growth and are hopeful about the future.

“If he completes his last heart op (around age three) without much complication, he will actually be cleared to do PE (Physical Education) in school,” said Jason.

“But he will not be cleared to do any competitive sports, and he has to avoid contact sports.”

“That is still so different from the picture the first few doctors painted for us!” exclaimed Joy.

“If anybody were to see him, they wouldn’t guess that there’s anything wrong,” she pointed out.

Other than the small bulge in Jalen’s chest due to how his rib cage has healed back after surgery, one would not be able to guess that he suffers from a heart condition.

However, because Jalen only still has half a heart, the couple are not sure how much time they have left with him. 

“His heart will start to fail in his 30s and, along with his heart failure, his other organs will start to fail,” explained Joy. 

Due to the way certain arteries were formed in his body, his paediatric cardiologist has also raised the possibility of sudden death.

“But the doctor also did tell us, ‘Who knows what will happen 20 years down the road?’ There might be advancements in technology that would help prolong his life,” said Jason.

The Yews live life normally, treasuring the time they have together and creating memories as a family of five.

Recalling that she had asked God why He had given them a baby with just half a heart, Joy said Psalm 139:13–14 came to mind.

“It reminded me that Jalen is not a mistake. God made him this way and chose us as his parents,” she declared.

“We may not fully understand why, and we don’t know what His plans are, but we just continue to cling on to Him, and know that He is our strength and refuge.

“Jalen may not seem perfect, but actually he is perfect. And he is created in God’s image.”

As for Jason, he has seen how Mark 10:27 has been real in Jalen’s life.

“He has already beaten many, many odds. What was termed as ‘impossible’ by the initial paediatric cardiologist was made possible with God,” he remarked.

“God has answered many of our prayers until now. (Jalen) has been successful in all his operations. There were complications, but they were not fatal. 

“Every operation he managed to pull through with God’s grace is like a miracle. He has gone through so many miracles.”

Despite all that Jalen has been through, he has been such a bubbly baby.

While both Jason and Joy are pleading for more time with Jalen, they are also praying that they will be able to fully surrender their son to God.

“It’s now very, very, very difficult to imagine life without Jalen. As tiring as it has been, he has brought a lot of smiles and laughter to our lives,” said Jason.

“If God calls him home, I want to be strong enough, to be thankful and happy for the time that I have had with him.

“Rather than blaming God again, to say ‘Why did you take away Jalen?’, I want to be able to thank God for all the wonderful time, the bonus time, that He has granted us.”

Agreeing, Joy added: “What if Jalen is not with us anymore? That is our biggest fear. But since God put us on this journey, we are trusting Him for His grace, strength, patience, joy and all His promises to carry us through.”

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The post Perfect with half a heart: Born with 5 major defects, this tiny miracle has beaten the odds appeared first on Salt&Light.

“I am a Psalm,” I hear. It is apt.

We are at the launch of Yeo Whee Jim’s book of poems, Itinerary, in the Old Arts House. The capacious room in the historic building is packed with over 200 well wishers, and standing-room-only for latecomers.

Whee Jim, 50, in his wheelchair, can hardly be seen as he reads a bright poem recalling a childhood plucking ang moh dan (rambutans) at his grandmother’s home in Ang Sar Lee (Serangoon Gardens).

I am a son, a father and now an unlikely poet, he modestly describes himself to his audience of former colleagues, classmates from as far back as secondary school, friends old and acquaintances new.

He is also a Christian. And every mention of his faith, no matter how light, is poignant for one reason – Whee Jim is a striking Psalm in his frank grief, tragic loss and, most of all, his unshakable hope.

Growing up in Ang Sar Lee

Whee Jim’s CV is impressive: More than 20 years in the civil service including as Director of the Public Service Commission Secretariat in the Prime Minister’s Office and Institute Director of Governance and Policy at the Civil Service College.

His prowess in strategic planning, public policy issues and human resource development, among other skills, won him the Lien Ying Chow Fellowship 2019 for outstanding senior government officials.

This shining success was hard earned.

His father, the sole breadwinner, was a camera repairman; his mother a housewife.

Together with his brother and parents, young Whee Jim lived with his grandparents in Serangoon Gardens. Teochew aunts and cousins visited often to jiak png (eat rice) around a dining table steaming with assam fish curry and bak kut teh.

It was a modest but lively childhood with “lots of meals and big family gatherings”, recalls Whee Jim. His aunts would sneak money into his pockets and pile him with hand-me-down clothes because “on hindsight, they knew that we were not as well-to-do as the others”.

“There was love shown, not in words, but in food, care and concern,” he recalls.

Still, he was acutely aware that his family “had less than others”.

“Growing up, I was very clear that I didn’t want to be poor,” he tells Salt&Light. “There was no resentment. But I wanted to be able to afford things and adventures like my cousins.”

So he threw himself down the only Singaporean route he knew: Excelling in his studies in Raffles Institution, receiving a scholarship to study Mechanical Engineering in Osaka University, earning a Master’s in Business Administration from the BI Norwegian School of Management, and landing plum government jobs.

He admits his driving force was fear: “Fear of not being able to do well, fear of failing, fear of not being able to keep up. This fear led to competitiveness.”

With multiple material achievements in his back pocket, it seemed like he was in control of life, happiness, success.

Until he was not.

Faith and loss

While in Japan to pursue an undergraduate scholarship in Mechanical Engineering, Whee Jim met his future wife, Hui Lok Yan, in a Tokyo language school. Lok Yan was from Hong Kong and her reflective nature and adventurous spirit matched his own.

He was studying in Osaka University while she was in Tokyo University, and they bonded over the demands of university.

When they decided to get married eight years later, Lok Yan made the choice to relocate to Singapore, where Whee Jim’s career was thriving and where they could care for his ageing parents.

Whee Jim, Lok Yan and their daughter, Min, had six precious years together as a family before Lok Yan passed away from cancer.

It was Lok Yan, a Christian, who introduced Whee Jim to church. Enveloped by the warm church community and tutored by the pulpit, he began to comprehend the biblical foundation that gave his wife the stability and strength that described her character.

Together with their baby daughter, the young couple enjoyed a comfortable life with all the enthusiasm of young parenthood.

But in 2007 when their daughter turned one, the course of family life took an unexpected turn.

Lok Yan was still in her early 30s when she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.

Precious memories in Maldives.

“On days when she didn’t have chemo and was rested, she was pretty normal,” remembers Whee Jim.

“We had happy days as a small family unit. She wanted to go to Maldives; we went twice. We visited Hong Kong more regularly and spent time in Singapore just going out together as a family, raising our daughter.

“So at least we had those happy years together.”

Min was seven when Lok Yan passed away.

The diagnosis

As the young family sought to regain their footing, Whee Jim threw himself into work.

Retiring from civil service in 2020, he launched his own corporate training consultancy in 2021 in the midst of COVID. By late 2021, he had clinched a major deal with the Bhutanese government. The Omani and Vietnamese governments followed suit.

Father-daughter adventures when Whee Jim became a single parent.

“I found my niche and was having the time of my life,” says Whee Jim. “I could turn around tasks quickly – update my website, do the accounts, write the report, do the Powerpoint slides, and still have a life. My strengths were all developed in this role. It felt almost effortless.

“I was physically, emotionally and spiritually in a good place. My daughter was growing up and she looked like she was doing alright. We travelled together – when she was in Sec 1, we went to Kruger in South Africa and Botswana. Because she liked snowboarding, we went on a Japan ‘pilgrimage’ with her aunts.

“I went to the gym twice a day, did my swimming and walking, and still managed to serve in church in the children’s ministry and design the church newsletter. I remember thinking: Life feels close to perfect.”

Whee Jim (in sunglasses) working with the Bhutanese government.

But the euphoria would not last.

Towards the end of 2022, he experienced inexplicable muscle twitching and loss of control. Instead of building strength at the gym, he found himself handling less weight. In the pool, where he used to do 60 laps non-stop in under an hour, he could hardly make a lap.

When he was working in Oman, a microphone he was holding suddenly felt heavy. As he was taking food from the buffet table, he lost control of a bowl.

A medical check-up in January 2023 saw the polyclinic referring him to the National Neurological Institute, where he was diagnosed with ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), a disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord.

“My life changed forever.”

When the earth tilted

Whee Jim remembers thinking: “No lah, cannot be lah.”

But more tests and a second opinion confirmed the results. The neurologist pegged his life expectancy at two to five years.

“I was devastated. I was also very angry with God,” remembers Whee Jim. “He gave me a Level 100 kind of challenge. Things appeared to be going well for me – my business was picking up, I was energetic, I felt great, spiritually I thought I was in a good place.

“It just showed later on how weak my faith was.”

Now, two years after his diagnosis, Whee Jim needs physical help to lift a cup, go to the toilet, bathe and get up from his wheelchair. In bed, he needs a non-invasive ventilator.

“It is easier to count the limited things that I can do,” he says wryly.

Where once he used to serve fancy refreshments in church – Japanese chicken curry on a biscuit garnished with parsley (as a student he’d worked part-time at a Tokyo bakery) – he is now unable to navigate the kitchen. Where once he trained high-level government officials, he is now unable to project his voice. Where once he was a Scripture reader in church, he can no longer hold a Bible nor flip its pages.

“It has been a humbling journey of reframing, rethinking and re-prioritising,” he says frankly.

Making every day count

But, unexpectedly, the illness has ushered Whee Jim into a new ministry of encouraging others.

In the past year, he has written multiple columns for The Straits Times and CNA raising awareness for ALS and reflecting on legacy and mortality. He has even published two books – Itinerary (a book of original poems to raise funds for the Motor Neurone Disease Association Singapore) and Moving (a collection of his photographs and reflections to raise funds for The Business Times Budding Artists Fund).

Reading poems from his book, Itinerary, at the Singapore Poetry Festival 2024.

“God has been good. This has been a season of a lot of sharing and speaking engagements in churches, Alpha and CBD fellowship groups. Just last week my church asked me to share my thoughts about receiving pastoral care. I also managed to do a set of caregiver materials which I passed to my Assisi  Hospice counsellor, who said it was useful.

“I’m constantly amazed by how God has worked to make all these happen, the people he sends.

“I believe coincidence is God’s way of staying anonymous. A friend used my photos of Singapore and through her own connections used it to raise $15,000 for vulnerable and needy families.

“Another friend said, ‘Why don’t you write a book of poems?’ I looked at him, ‘You seow ah? I can’t even grip a pen or type!’ But he encouraged me to write about my spirituality because he knew that that was important to me. He took my five loaves and two fish and made Itinerary what it is.

“At the same time, I also think this last phase of life shouldn’t be driven by accomplishments. That would be missing the whole point. I try not to think of these projects as accomplishments, but more as milestones.”

A keener clarity of legacy saw him destroying his certificates, plaques and letters of appointment – accomplishments he once chased – because “even when I was able-bodied I cannot remember the last time people asked me to show them my certificates. What did all these accomplishments amount to?”

Instead of chasing accomplishments, he now builds relationships.

“I used to think of myself as an extreme introvert. Now it’s conversations, meet-ups with old friends and new ones who have reached out, chats that I have – these are what still give me joy and make life meaningful. 

“Receiving has become the norm whereas in the past I was very paiseh. I’ve never been so vulnerable in my entire life. It’s very humbling. If I were to total up what people have done for me in the two years since my diagnosis, it’s unbelievable.”

Longtime close friends took Whee Jim to Bali in 2023 a few weeks before he needed to use a wheelchair.

Fellow brothers- and sisters-in-Christ who continue to journey with the family.

This includes neighbours who drive him to church, an ex-boss who spoon-fed him, long-time close friends who took him to Bali, and friends who visit regularly.

The giving goes both ways.

“One of the unexpected ways in which I’m giving back is allowing myself to be vulnerable. To talk about my own fears, my own failings, my struggles. I think that has created a space for friends who come and visit to come into that space and share their own brokenness.

“It’s an important process of healing, and of knowing that you’re not alone in your struggles. We are all broken and struggling in our own ways. Listening to each other brings comfort. I pray I’ll continue to facilitate bridges.” 

Praying for a miracle, trusting in God

“One of my former colleagues painted a calligraphy on Lamentations 3:21-22: His steadfast love never ceases, his mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning.

“I have it next to my bed and that’s the verse I wake up to. It’s also the verse my Christian medical social worker gave me – it is my spiritual manna, my daily portion.”

He admits: “It encourages but it also hits hard.

“I wake up and say, ‘Okay! I’m ready for my miraculous healing! Is this the day? No, it’s not the day.”

Neighbours who look out for Whee Jim and take him to church.

So how does this square with Lamentations 3:21-22?

“I do struggle, sometimes slipping into self-pity. So when I share, it’s not about painting a positive picture. There are all these struggles that I have, the whole gamut of emotions.

“But yet, every single morning, I’m blessed to have a caregiver who is very sensitive to my needs, and not only that, she’s very sensitive to my emotions. She encourages me with a bright smile. She comes in with a song. She goes, ‘Hello, boss, good morning, how are you?’ And then I think to myself, ‘Is this not Lamentations 3:21 to 23?’

“One of my church pastors from Ang Mo Kio Presbyterian Church, Lee Wen Cong, reminded me – especially in my earlier phase of diagnosis – to not make this disease, my trials and tribulations, about myself, but to move God into the centre of focus.

“One verse that really resonates with me and depicts my struggles is Hebrews 11:1: ‘Faith is confidence in what we hope for and the assurance in what we cannot see.'”

He underscores this in an interview with Impact magazine: “I’ve learnt the incredible power of choice: The choice to move ahead, the choice to trust God to sort things out for me, the choice to accept the gift of unmerited grace. I’ve learnt that when I choose to lean on God to support me, I can deal with anything in life.” 

The one important message

If there’s one thing Whee Jim hopes to convey in all his sharing, it’s this: Mai tu liao (don’t hesitate).

“We always think we have one more decade, one more year to write that book, seek closure in a frayed relationship, return to church.

“Until two years ago, I thought I had lots of time left – this can be for another day. 

“But this season has reminded me that things can change really quickly, and not everyone has the luxury of a tomorrow, next week, next month, five years down the road. I’m five years away from my CPF withdrawal age. But five years is very, very far for me, and I’m probably not going to reach that unless God decides otherwise.

“So if anyone is thinking, ‘Should I do this? Should I do that?’ Perhaps one could do with less thinking and more action, because you never know when your time is up.

“And if you’re wondering: Is God for real? Mai tu liao. Find out for yourself.”

Itinerary can be bought at https://bit.ly/43WlfIO and Kinokuniya at $30 (before GST). Nett proceeds from the sales will be donated to the Motor Neurone Disease Association Singapore.

Moving: Yeo Whee Jim’s Photographs and Reflections can be bought here at $88. Proceeds go towards The Business Times Budding Artists Fund.

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He was just 36 years old in 1983.

He lay there injured and helpless for over an hour, before an ambulance finally arrived. By the time he was rushed to the hospital, his condition was critical.

The doctors delivered heartbreaking news to my mother: The chances of him surviving were slim. Even if he did pull through, he was likely to spend the rest of his life bedridden.

My mother was overwhelmed with fear and uncertainty.

How would she care for a bedridden husband while raising three young children alone?

I was only three years old at the time. My brothers were six and one. 

The author celebrating his first birthday with his parents and elder brother Gaius. Their younger brother Paul was not yet born. The author’s father met with the car accident two years after this photo was taken.

The image of my father lying in the hospital bed, body encased in casts, is etched in my memory, even after all these years.

My father regained consciousness, but could not accept the doctor’s prognosis that he would spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.

Our church pastor, the late Pastor James Hing, came to the hospital and prayed for my father.

Many others from our church joined in prayer as well, believing that Jesus has the power to heal, even though the doctors had reached the limits of medical science, even though all hope seemed lost.

During those darkest moments, my father also prayed boldly to God. He had only become a Christian four years earlier. 

Quoting Kings 20 and Isaiah 38, my father told God: “Lord, just as You extended King Hezekiah’s life by fifteen years, You can extend mine too.” 

Ps James also brought a word from 1 Peter 2:24: “By His wounds you have been healed.”

This verse became a lifeline for my father. He clung to it, repeating it over and over until it stirred up his faith.

The author’s father, Daniel Lee (fifth from left, in white) and pastor James Hing (right, in white), with members of their house church in 1979.

Then the unexplainable happened.

Celebrating the author’s fifth birthday in 1985 – two years after the accident – and his father’s recovery.

My father began to recover. Strength returned to his body.

From being completely immobilised, he progressed to sitting up, then standing, and eventually walking. After just one month in the hospital, he was discharged – much to the amazement of the medical staff.

The Lee brothers were in primary school when this photo was taken in the late 1980s.

The doctors, unable to explain his sudden recovery, recorded it in their reports as a “miracle”.

Though my father could no longer exercise rigorously nor carry heavy things after the accident, he could still work and function normally to fulfil his daily needs.

The accident was a catalyst of change

My father’s miraculous recovery deepened his faith in God.

He left his job in the business world and, together with my mother, became a private tutor.

He also served faithfully in the church – first as an interpreter, then as an elder.

Daniel Lee (right) with his pastor, Adam Hing, on a mission trip in 2006.

Over the next three decades, he dedicated himself to travelling around Asia, offering help and hope to communities by sharing his testimony of healing and the love of Christ.

The accident that could have taken his life became the catalyst for a deeper belief in the promises of God.

It affirmed to him, and our family, that nothing is impossible for God.

We, as a family, witnessed firsthand the hand of God and His grace and mercy through my father’s recovery. That strengthened our own faith, too.

40 years later

More than 40 years have passed since the accident that changed our lives.

My father is still with us – healthy, active and a walking testimony of God’s goodness. 

Every morning, he prays for our family and the needs of those around him.

He has seen his children grow into adulthood, finish their education, find stable jobs, and start families of their own.

Having been shaped by the godly influence of our father and mother, my brothers and I followed in our parents’ footsteps by becoming educators, a profession that serves to shape the lives of others positively. 

“My parents’ siblings witnessed my father’s miraculous healing. Some of them accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord,” said the author, pictured on his wedding day with his extended family.

My father still serves in church as an elder.

My two brothers, Gaius and Paul, now serve as associate pastors.

Some of my father’s grandchildren are also serving actively in church in ministries like worship, logistics and serving the needs of the elderly.

Just recently, the author’s parents celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary – another testament of God’s goodness.

God says in Exodus 15:26: “I am the Lord who heals you.”

Our family’s story is a living reminder that even in the darkest moments, God’s power and love is at work.

With church members after a Bible study led by the author (back row, fifth from left).

We have seen His faithfulness through this and other trials, and we have seen how when God blesses a person, others around are blessed, too.

While looking through some old family photos, the Lord prompted me to write this article, so that more people will know of God’s faithfulness and healing grace.

A version of this story first appeared in Stories of Hope.

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She began getting flashbacks from the first nine years of her life. She would remember being caned while bathing, restrained in the darkness overnight, chased out of the house, and hit with a belt. 

Qi Qi around the age of one. The photo is among several childhood images she received after tracking down a member of the first family she lived with. They are the only photos she has of her growing up years.

Each time a memory surfaced, it threw her into an emotional tailspin of depression, grief, shame and regret. 

Qi Qi had told her husband about some of these traumatic events from her childhood during their dating days. But when these flashbacks came, she did not know how to tell him about them.

“I just asked for space to deal with them each time they came,” Qi Qi, now 35 and a primary school tutor, told Stories of Hope. She is married to Jeffrey Aw, now a pastor at Bethesda (Bedok-Tampines) Church.

“But it came to a point that I realised that it was affecting our marriage. As I did not want to talk about what was troubling me, we no longer communicated openly,” she said.

The suicidal thoughts that had plagued her during her teenage years also returned.

Looking for love in wrong places

When she was nine years old, Qi Qi was given away by the people she thought were her biological parents.

Life did not become easier.

Her new foster parents “had their own hurts and did not deal with me in a positive manner”.

Qi Qi when she was about age four.

The effects of feeling abandoned and rejected by both sets of caregivers affected Qi Qi’s school life. (Read her back story here.)

It also spilled over into her dating life, when she started looking for love in the wrong places.

The bullying that started in primary school got worse in secondary school when Qi Qi hung out with a girl who was “crude and used vulgarities”, and belonged to a gang.

Yearning to be “loved and accepted”, Qi Qi put up with the pressure from this girl to date a boy from the gang.

“He was actually quite a nice guy. But I just didn’t have any feelings for him.

“I wanted to fit into the social circle so I agreed to date him but throughout, I felt that it was wrong.”

When Qi Qi did well enough to get into the top class, a Christian classmate opened her eyes to what was happening.

“He told me, ‘You are a nice girl. Why do you put yourself in such a situation? You need to draw the line and step away from it’.”

“In a sudden fit of bravery, I broke up with the boy from the gang.

“The gangster girl was furious and dragged me to the canal behind school. She slapped me and said nasty stuff like, ‘No one will love you if you don’t want him’.

“She also turned my classmates against me.”

Later, Qi Qi got into another relationship for two years.

“Then I found out he was cheating on me by texting another girl. He turned violent when I wanted to break up with him … and the police were involved.”

When she finally broke free, she cried, thinking: “Everything is over. I have no family, no boyfriend. God, I’m tired, I’ve already come so far, how long more?”

Then she heard a voice say: “You want a new life? Come back to church.”

She believes it was the voice of God.

Qi Qi then told God: “I know You are real, but I need someone physical who can hold my hand and journey with me. I want to fall in love, I want a relationship.

“If I go back to church, would You give me a good guy who cares for me and who believes in Jesus?”

Laugh at first sight

On the very day that Qi Qi returned to church, she met an intriguing guy at a small group meeting. He was two years older than her.

It wasn’t love at first sight, claims Qi Qi, who was then 17.

“But every time he cracked a joke, I was the only girl laughing. The rest were immune to his jokes,” she said of Jeff, who was two years older.

Qi Qi when she was 17, and Jeff was 19.

Just as Qi Qi felt that Jeff was God’s answer to her prayer, the reverse was also true.

“I later found out that Jeff had asked God for a partner who lives near him — we lived a 10-minute walk apart — and would like him for who he is. And who would laugh at his jokes.”

Within a few weeks, he asked Qi Qi to be his girlfriend.

“I didn’t know whether to say ‘yes’,” Qi Qi admitted.

“But since I had made that agreement with God, I prayed, ‘If this is true, you wake me at 11.32pm’.” 

She then went to sleep that evening without setting the alarm clock.

“Jeff was grounded, humorous and brought me a lot of happiness,” said Qi Qi.

She woke up at exactly 11.32pm – two minutes after Jeff ended his shift as a part-time fast-food deliveryman.

“I called him to say ‘yes’. He wasn’t expecting me to reply so quickly!” she said.

They started dating. It happened so quickly that even their small group leaders at church were worried.

A year later, Jeff proposed to Qi Qi before he went to serve National Service (NS).

“It was very unromantic. We were driving in his dad’s car along Seletar. I was looking at the scenery when he said, ‘Would you marry me?’.

“I didn’t know he was proposing and said ‘Yes, of course!’ without even looking at him. Then I saw the ring, and I was shocked.”

The entire package

Qi Qi felt accepted and loved by Jeff’s parents.

Jeff and his family knew that she had a difficult childhood, but didn’t know the full extent and details of her pain.

“Jeff’s mum treated me like her own child.

“Every year, Jeff’s mum would cook eggs and noodles on my birthday,” said Qi Qi, pictured on her 18th birthday, with Jeff.

“She gave me an allowance when I went for exchange programmes, and paid for my medical bills when I was sick.

“I wanted to be part of his family. Not just Jeff as a person, but the entire package.”

“Jeff’s family helped me to know what family really is,” said Qi Qi, who was 22 when they tied the knot in 2010.

Qi Qi was overwhelmed by God’s provision. “I saw them as a gift from God. It was like He restored to me the family I didn’t have.

“I told God, ‘Wow, God, You provided me with a guy and a family.”

Sunday lifelines

But two years into their marriage, Qi Qi started getting flashbacks from her childhood.

“Each time one memory was unlocked, I would be in pain for a long time.

“Just when I thought I was better, another memory would surface. It would take months to process.

This ongoing cycle would last for 10 years.  

One Sunday morning, Qi Qi felt that she had exceeded her pain threshold “and could not bear it any longer”.

“Jeff was away at a work-related retreat, and I decided that I would go to church, say my goodbyes and then jump to my death.”

But to her surprise, people at church she hadn’t spoken much to hugged her and asked her how she was. None of them were aware of what she had been struggling with.

“God loves you a lot,” said one person.

“Hope you are good, see you next week,” said another.

Said Qi Qi. “I remember thinking that there wasn’t going to be a ‘next week’.” 

During the church service that day, Qi Qi broke down and cried out to God.

“I told God: ‘I know You love me. You sent people to tell me You love me.’ But there must be a way out.”

After the service, she felt a small voice inside her telling her to go to the front of the church to ask for prayer.

She obeyed.

The prayer seemed to help. She gave up her plans to kill herself that day. 

Qi Qi, Jeff and their elder daughter.

However, she would struggle to carry on even after their children were born.

Heart to heart

Over the years, Qi Qi realised she couldn’t keep “sweeping everything under carpet”, and told God: “God, You must do something for my marriage.”

After fasting for three days and praying, she felt God prompting her to plan a holiday with her husband.

As she did, things started falling into place. 

Out of the blue, her mother-in-law also called to offer to take care of the children if she and Jeff wanted to travel.

The Aws with their three daughters.

Furthermore, Jeff readily agreed to go, even though he didn’t enjoy travelling. 

She saw it as a confirmation that she had heard God correctly. 

“Even before the plane took off, we sat down at the airport and had a heart to heart talk for the first time. 

“Jeff urged me to open up to him, especially when I felt myself slipping into depression. He promised to support me through it,” she recalled.

Shortly after, they went for couples counselling. 

“It helped improve our communication. We also started to pray together regularly for each other and for our marriage.”

Jesus in the pit with her

Qi Qi also sought help from her pastors and mentors at church when the anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts came.

Someone who was praying for her saw a vision of the restraints that had been part of Qi Qi’s abusive childhood.

“This person said, ‘I think God wants to give you closure.’

“I doubted these words, as the restraints had been a painful part of my childhood.

Qi Qi’s mentors prayed for her and they taught her to invite Jesus into each painful memory from her childhood. 

“I saw Jesus sitting with me in the dark room where I was restrained; He was hugging me, and crying with me.

“I also felt Jesus climb into the pit of darkness and despair to be with me.

“I felt His love and companionship, and His presence brought light into every dark situation.

“My feelings of loneliness and pain began to leave me.”

Her mentors also taught her to spot the signs that she was spiralling into depression, and how to call on Jesus to help her “overcome the spirits of rejection and death” each time it happened.

“I tell God, ‘I surrender to You. I know I am a child of God, I know I am loved, I am favoured by You’,” she said.

The episodes that used to take her months to recover from are now gone in a day.

Jeffrey too, is also able to support her through the flashbacks and talk her out of moments of depression. 

Each time the flashbacks happened, Qi Qi found that she needed to forgive the people who had inflicted the pain on her.

“As much as I asked God for healing, I also had to ask Him to help me forgive those who had hurt me.

“It was an ongoing process that helped to free me from pain and fear, and have closure,” she said. 

In 2024, Qi Qi felt she had healed sufficiently to share her story.

Today, she is able to say: “If my original family wants to find me and acknowledge me as their own, I’d really welcome that.

“I’d want to know how they are doing, and if they are healthy, and if they are happy.

“I don’t know what I will say to them. But perhaps I will just hug them. 

“I forgave them a long time ago.

“I really hope they’ll get to know God.”

How can any pain be good?

Qi Qi used to ask herself and God: “How can all the pain and hurt I’ve been through amount to any good?”

She initially struggled with the Bible verse Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Qi Qi, Jeff and their daughters, who are now 4, 8 and 11.

Looking back, she realises that the darkness she has been through has helped her to be “more sensitive to the emotional hurts and needs of a child” – and have meaningful conversations with their own children, students whom God has put into her life, or young people she meets at church.

More than once, she’s been able to discern that a student has been struggling with suicidal thoughts.

“Together with Jeff, we were able to speak with their parents to help them,” she said. 

“They are a gift from God,” says Qi Qi of Jeff’s family.

Qi Qi also realised: “If I had not gone through those darkest days, I would never know Who God is, I would never be able to understand what it means to be saved.

“I will use my story of how God saved me from the pit of hell, death and darkness to tell others about Him.”

A version of this story first appeared on Stories of Hope.

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The months of waiting turned into anxiety and uncertainty as we wondered what was wrong, but there were no medical conditions uncovered. 

In the midst of trying to conceive, we also consulted a Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner. Yet it continued to be a struggle –  each month was a disappointment, with no certainty of when a positive result would come.

At one point of time, I decided to fast from social media as I could not bear the pain and disappointment of receiving news of pregnancies or births.

It helped that this was during the COVID-19 period when there were group restrictions, so we could conveniently stay out of contact with our friends.

But I also felt stagnated; it felt like my life was not progressing. 

The couple at their pre-wedding photoshoot. Both of them met in church, where they served in the dance ministry together.

In September 2020, we decided to proceed with intrauterine insemination (IUI) at a public hospital, but it also turned out to be unsuccessful.

It was a struggle to find that our peers were getting pregnant and having children, seemingly with much ease. 

A further stab in my heart came when my brother-in-law announced that they were expecting a child just barely months into their marriage.

We were already limiting our social circle at this stage to minimise disappointments, but having a newborn within our family definitely did not help.

I did not want to make family dinners awkward. Yet it was painful every time a baby-related topic was discussed.

My wife was excited and happy for her brother, but she was also torn between showing concern for him and empathising with how I was feeling.

Not wanting my disappointment to be an additional burden for my wife, I cried out to God and asked Him if this struggle with infertility would ever end.

Why could we not have a baby?

All of our efforts had not borne fruit, and the months of trying had turned into years. As we were both in our 30s, we were also concerned about our diminishing chances of conceiving with each passing day. 

Anxiety and worry started to build up, as I began to wonder why this was happening to us. Why could my peers have children so easily, while we still did not see anything happening after trying so hard?

I also started to wonder why God did not bless us with kids. Did we do anything wrong? Was that why God was choosing to withhold a child from us? 

Even though I didn’t get an answer, I chose to cast my burden on the Lord every time I struggled.

One-and-a-half years after tying the knot in 2017, the couple decided to go for medical tests as they had been trying to conceive for six months with no success.

For a period of time, I constantly faced all these lies in my mind, thinking I was not worthy of having kids.

I started to feel depressed, and it was a huge struggle for me to manage my emotions and to learn to move on with life.

Soon after, I stopped trying to explain to others how I really felt.

It was hard trying to describe my feelings to those who had not gone through the same journey as I did. I did not expect them to understand simply because they had not been in my shoes. 

I also eventually stopped reading different testimonies of how couples eventually overcame their struggles to bear a child, as I often questioned whether that would even happen to me. 

However, during this time of waiting, I started the habit of journalling as a way of expressing my thoughts and feelings when I lacked the avenue to share them with others.

In particular, I held onto this verse from the Bible.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

I admit that there many moments when it was hard for me to see how all of this was good for me, but it was a conscious decision to believe in this truth.

The turning point came when I read Resurrection Year by Sheridan Voysey in 2021.

As he shared about his journey with infertility, I found it amazing that I could understand his struggles. For the first time, I also felt someone understood me. 

His testimony was powerful simply because there was no victory of children at the end of the story. And yet he and his wife continued to be faithful in the assignments that God had given to them.  

It was then I realised I could not focus on having children as the goal of my life. Taking an eternal perspective on things, my future in heaven was also not determined by whether or not I had children.

God has never promised to give us children, but His promise for us is eternity with Him (John 3:16).

There are other pursuits and purposes that God has called us to do in this life. 

Seeking a change in environment and the chance to pursue new dreams, the couple decided to move out of their matrimonial home (above) in 2023.

Upon reflection, I felt that God could also use us to be a blessing to others who were facing the same issues. We would never be able to understand completely how they felt, but we could always share about our own journey.

As for my wife, she, too, struggled with her faith as she questioned God. Why could we not be fruitful and multiply, while others seemed to be able to have children easily?

However, she also recognised that she had to learn to surrender to God. Even though we might not always have all the answers, God gave her the assurance to trust that He is sovereign. 

In 2022, we decided to proceed with in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) at a private practice. But when our only successful embryo did not survive the implantation, it was yet another blow in our childbearing journey.

Even though we prepared ourselves for the result, disappointment inevitably set in. We decided to take a break from attempting IUI or IVF again as each round took a toll on my wife, physically and mentally.

I was also reminded to draw even closer to God and to give my burdens to Him as I supported my wife in this journey.

Moving house, moving forward

A few months after the unsuccessful procedure, we made a decision to move house.

A lot of people asked why we want to move when our house was relatively new and had many desirable attributes. To be honest, it was hard to leave, but we had the peace to do so.

Our first home held many wonderful memories, but we needed a change of environment.

For the past few years, we had been pursuing different methods of trying for a baby, but there had been no progress.

This home only served as a reminder of our unfulfilled dream of having a family, with spaces yet to be filled.

Moving to a new place did not mean that we were giving up on this dream. But we saw it as a chance to start afresh and to have new dreams.

We would still continue to try for a baby, but this pursuit would no longer consume our lives.

Even though their plans to have a child had not come to pass, the couple decided not to dwell on the past but move forward. One of the activities they embarked on together was learning how to dive.

In the past, we always researched on ways to improve our chances of conception. We also used to be very watchful over our diet, ensuring that we did not consume unhealthy food or use household items that might have harmful substances.

While we maintained these changes in our lifestyle after moving to our new house, we were not trying to pursue all of these as if they formed a checklist of to-dos for us to conceive.

Having a smaller space also forced us to declutter and to re-evaluate what was important in our lives, not just physically but also mentally and spiritually.

Feeling more motivated to move forward with my life than to dwell on things I could not control, I started a more regular exercise regime, signed up for courses, reconnected with people whom I had not kept in contact with and led outreach activities in my church.

After moving to their new home, Jelvin and his wife also picked up a new language together.

Moving to a new house was an opportunity for us to dream again for God, to have a fresh start in our walk with Him.

We learnt how to better appreciate and support each other, and to work together as a couple to be a blessing to other couples and families, with the Lord leading us. 

We still wanted kids, but we also acknowledged that our identity would not be tied to parenthood.

Over time, I also found that my prayers to God were less inward-looking – less on my own needs and more on the needs of others, as well as how I could pursue God’s purposes for me.

An unlikely surprise

Nearing the end of 2023, I still remember the morning my wife shared the joyous news of her positive result from the pregnancy test kit.

Six months after moving to our new place, and one-and-a-half years after our unsuccessful IVF procedure, we had conceived naturally! 

We least expected the pregnancy in that season especially because my wife was very stressed over a presentation she had been preparing for. When trying to conceive, we had always been advised by many to be relaxed. 

Words cannot express how awestruck we were.

Having not tested positive before in the past five years, it felt unbelievable and surreal when the couple discovered that they were expecting a baby.

For years we had been trying all means to conceive a child.

The last gynaecologist we saw even mentioned that it could be unexplained infertility as there were no indicators or any health issues that could account for why my wife had not conceived.

That is why, to us, this child is a miracle. God demonstrated that His ways are above ours. 

We were also reminded of our wedding verse.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

This child came when we were at a different stage of life – my wife and I were definitely not who we were when we first got married.

The couple’s journey with infertility brought them closer together as well as closer to God.

We have grown stronger through the trials we experienced, both as individuals and as a couple.

While we previously struggled at resolving differences, we have learnt to talk through our feelings, be more understanding towards each other, and support and lean on each other because of what we have gone through.

We have also found it to be true that trials can mould us and draw us closer to God. We realised that we could not rely on our own plans, abilities and strengths.

It was indeed a humbling experience, knowing that we did not have full control over our lives. As much as we tried to plan for a kid, God had His own plan and timing for us.

At their child’s 100-day celebration, the couple held a simple baby dedication where they also shared their testimony.

On 1 August 2024, we became parents to a healthy baby girl.

Because of what we have gone through, this has made us appreciate our daughter so much more. Every day when we look at her, we are reminded that she is a gift from God. 

We named our daughter Adrielle, which means “flock of God”, because we recognise that He is our Master and our help comes from Him.

We have a deeper understanding of what it means to rely on Him and trust that He has the best plan for us, even if it differs from our own plans.

More importantly, we recognise that every experience we have been through has brought us a step closer to who He wants us to become.

We are beloved children of God, regardless of what we have or do not have. He still loves us the same.

The family on their first overseas trip to Desaru, Malaysia.

For couples who are trying to conceive, we know that there are many voices out there on what to do (or not do) to increase your chances of conceiving.

While they are all well-intentioned advice, it is important not to let these overwhelm you. Do not be too caught up with chasing after all the options.

As a couple, pray and let God lead and direct you. What works for others may not be the best for you.

It is also easy to be affected by the news of others getting pregnant and having children. You may compare your life with others and question why it is so unfair.

I have learnt that it is more important to be faithful in walking your own journey. Remember that God created us as unique individuals and has unique plans for each of us. 

As you wait and trust in God, may you also experience the freedom of surrender and the joy of growing in Him.

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The post “To us, this child is a miracle”: After struggling for years to conceive, their surrender led to a surprise appeared first on Salt&Light.

When the “typical church” has more seniors (aged 65 years and above) than children and youth?

When the median age of its church members has crept above 40, 45, maybe even 50 years?

When you look around in the congregation each week and find more and more grey hairs?

We should not be surprised by this prospect for the church in Singapore, because the church is a subset of the country. The reality is that Singapore has been an “aged society” since 2017, and is set to be a “super-aged society” by 2026, when more than 1 in 5 Singaporeans will be aged 65 years and above.

Our resident population’s median age is currently at 42.8 years. For the moment, our seniors do not outnumber the youth and children: 18.9% of our resident population are youth and children, while 17.7% are seniors.

But with a total fertility rate of less than 1, and an increasing life expectancy, it is only a matter of time before this statistic flips.

Church demography vs Church vitality

When the whole church, and indeed the whole society’s demographic shifts to become super-aged, Christians must ask the existential questions with open eyes: Does this trend pose a grave challenge to the church? Could this also be a season for opportunity?

This is where the State of the Church in Singapore Study 2024 comes in.

The SOTC was first launched in 2022 as an annual collaborative research effort between Biblical Graduate School of Theology, Singapore Bible College, Trinity Theological College, and Salt&Light. SOTC study reports are meant to provide empirically-derived observations and insights to stimulate reflection and action, especially at the local church level.

All of this is done in the spirit of unity in Christ, in hope that the Church in Singapore can proactively identify and respond well to important trends together.

The first SOTC study examined the outlook of the Church in Singapore as we emerged from the COVID-19 pandemic.

The second study, conducted in 2023, was a qualitative examination of local churches that were attracting young adults.

This third study, conducted this year (2024), focuses on “The Church and Seniors”. In this study, we had two main research questions:

1. How is the church in Singapore experiencing the increasing agedness of our society? (This is a question of church demography.)
2. How is the church in Singapore engaged in the ministry of Seniors? (This is a question of church vitality.)
   

In all, 35 churches of various sizes and across denominations, representing over 50,000 Christians, participated in the SOTC2024 study.

7 initial findings from SOTC2024: The Church and Seniors

The full “State of the Church: The Church and Seniors” report, with detailed findings and figures, will be released on Friday 10 January, 2025.

But to give you a teaser of what we’ve found, here are some snapshots of our findings:

1. The Singapore Church age demography roughly mirrors the aged Singapore Resident population.
2. There are significant differences in demography across local churches, and also between language-specific congregations. This means that churches do not uniformly experience our aged-ness. 
3. Chinese-language congregations are more aged than English-language congregations.
4. A third of our churches are facing a looming staffing problem, as the majority of their staff are set to retire within the next 7 to 10 years. This challenge is more pronounced when we look only at Senior Pastors.
5. There is evidence of vitality among seniors, as we are seeing churches reporting more regular attendees and also baptisms among their seniors. We praise God that in some churches, baptisms exceeded bereavements.
6. 74% of churches studied have established ministries for seniors and have mobilised seniors to participate in various forms of ministry to others. This is an area that more churches may want to seriously consider.
7. Senior pastors shared a holistic range of ministry concerns and priorities related to seniors. Their main outlook towards pastoring seniors is that of “hope”.

Join us for the full SOTC2024 report release

To dive deeper into the findings, join us in-person at the SOTC2024 Report Release Gathering to be held at St Andrew’s Cathedral, at 9.30am on Friday, 10 January, 2025.

The Report Release Gathering is open to Pastors, church staff and ministry leaders, whether full-time or lay.

We look forward to a time of prayerful reflection and discussion of the findings.

Register here by 7 January: https://saltandlig.ht/sotc2024release

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The post The church in Singapore is ageing. How will we respond? State of the Church Study 2024 appeared first on Salt&Light.

Charmain and Ps Jacob with baby Eliza.

In Part 1, Salt&Light traced the Lim’s journey from the conception to the birth of their daughter. This is Part 2 of their story.

The long wait

Eliza was born with rare heart defect – pulmonary atresia. Her pulmonary valve, located between the right ventricle and the pulmonary artery, did not form. So blood could not be pumped from her heart to her lungs to get oxygen to the body.

Eliza (in Charmaine’s arms) never left the hospital after she was born.

Delivered at 31 weeks, she weighed just 1.4kg and was immediately whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). There, she was attached to machines that helped her breathe, monitored her condition and fed her. She had to be hospitalised till she hit 2.5kg and could undergo surgery to fix her faulty heart valve. Only then could she be discharged.

Every day in the hospital was a rollercoaster ride of “waiting and hoping” for the Lims. Some days, Eliza fed well and put on weight. Some days, she could not keep down her milk and lost weight.

As a premature baby, Eliza also had all the attendant medical issues including underdeveloped lungs and retinopathy of prematurity, the abnormal growth of blood vessels in the eyes.

“There was a lot of drama. Intubation, blood transfusion, eye dilation, scans, IV needles. It was very hard to see her going through the pain.

“It was also very scary to receive phone calls from the hospital to come down because you don’t know what they are going to tell you,” said Charmaine, 41.  

Through all this, there were also happy memories.

Recalled Ps Jacob, 43: “I would talk to her, pray with her, hold her hand. When she could get out of the incubator and was able to respond more and there were fewer wires attached to her, I was able to carry her, read to her.

Eliza was an expressive child who engaged with her parents throughout her short life.

“She could recognise me and grab firmly onto my finger. When I held her, she would stare at me. Those are the endearing moments, very sweet, very heartwarming.”

Charmaine chimed in: “She’s Daddy’s girl. When he comes to play with her, she is very happy. She’s playful. When I do flash cards with her, she gets a bit cranky, she will yawn.”

Her fight for life

By the time Eliza was five months old, she only weighed 2kg. But the doctors told the Lims they had to go ahead with the surgery. The ideal timeframe for the procedure was within the first three months after birth. They had long passed that deadline.

At five months, Eliza underwent open-heart surgery to correct her defective heart valve.

“I was quite hopeful. That means that after this first surgery, she can go home. We already prepared a room for her,” said Charmaine.

Husband and wife were also assured that the surgery, though major, was a well-established procedure with a high success rate. Though it took twice the expected four hours, Eliza’s open-heart surgery was indeed a success.

Eliza had a few surgeries in an effort to correct her congenital heart condition.

But two days after, the Lims were called into the hospital before dawn. Eliza’s heart had stopped and they had had to resuscitate her.

“From then on, it became a very stressful season. Almost every day or two, something new would happen to her.”

Eliza went through countless scans – brain, lungs, heart. She received blood transfusion after blood transfusion and was put on kidney dialysis.

Another open-heart surgery was ordered because her body did not respond well to the first device they implanted in her. Then another surgery was done because the second one did not help her. She also had to be resuscitated a few times.

Said Charmaine: “It was very difficult to see her in so much pain. After one episode of resuscitation, it was raining heavily outside and I asked God, ‘Are You crying for Eliza?’

“I thought: ‘Wow, you are six months old but you have never seen a tree, never heard a bird chirping. Things that we take for granted you never had the pleasure of experiencing.’

“She never even had her parents give her a normal bath in a bathtub. All this that a normal child goes through, she never had the opportunity. All the losses.”

Despite the medical crises, Eliza hung on. She was sedated but she could open her eyes. Doctors said she could also hear what was said to her.

Said Ps Jacob: “She couldn’t respond like she used to. But we told her she was a brave girl for always bouncing back. We told her we loved her.”

Added Charmaine: “But we also told her, ‘If God wants to take you home, if you are tired, just go.’”

After that, Eliza started to show signs of improvement. Even so, doctors told the Lims to be prepared for the worst. Thus far, only Ps Jacob and Charmaine had been allowed to visit Eliza. Now the doctors gave other family members permission to see her.

Ps Jacob also baptised her.

“We bought her a baptism dress. It was a surreal moment. She was the first child I baptised.”

A life remembered  

A month after the surgery and three weeks after being put on life support, doctors told the Lims they had to take Eliza off the machine. She had gone past the optimal two weeks on life support.

“The machine pumped blood throughout her body (to) let her heart rest in the hope that her heart can be strengthened.

“If she was off the machine, the heart may start pumping again. They knew the chances were low. We were prepared. We dressed her up that day and told her, ‘You might meet the Lord today’,” said Ps Jacob.

As the machine was switched off, Eliza’s heartbeat became fainter and fainter. Ps Jacob and Charmaine were allowed to hold her.

“We watched her fade away. I had never carried her without tubes around her. It was the first time I could carry her as she was, see her entire face without any tubes or stickers.

“She looked very peaceful, like she was sleeping. That sense that she is not suffering anymore. It was a very sad but peaceful moment. It was a sacred moment,” said Charmaine, tearing at the memory.

Charmaine told Salt&Light about the light she saw throughout that dark season: “We are very thankful for our community. I’m quite introverted, very paiseh (shy) in front of people.

“But when we got to know Eliza’s condition, the news was too big to carry on our own. I knew I just had to ask people to pray for us straight away.”

Pray they did. The church in which Ps Jacob served, the one in which Charmaine worked, the churches from which both came and their Trinity Theological College (TTC) friends all prayed for Eliza throughout the six months.

“The night before the final procedure, the WSCS (Women’s Society of Christian Service) of the GC (General Conference of The Methodist Church in Singapore) organised a prayer meeting over Zoom for us,” said Ps Jacob.

Added Charmaine: “From the beginning, we were supported by our community through prayer, through presence, through food.

“At the wake, so many came. It was very healing to retell her story, to celebrate her bravery, to honour her and say her name. It kept her legacy alive.”

Despite the grief, Ps Jacob chose to conduct Eliza’s wake service.

“It was the little something I could do for her. I knew her journey best. It was therapeutic.”

The healing continues

The first year after their loss, Charmaine lived in a haze of grief. As time went by, she thought she would recover.

By the second year, she was working as a counsellor in a community hospital. Seeing people “getting poked” brought back memories of the weeks she had to be hospitalised when she was 27 weeks pregnant with Eliza.

“I had bodily sensations. I could feel it. The body remembered the trauma as much as I wanted to hide it.”

She also could not bear to look at photos of her daughter’s difficult last month in the hospital when the little girl was fighting for her life. As a trained counsellor, she knew she needed help. So she went for counselling.

“After that, I thought I was quite good. Zai (steady) already. Life per normal.”

Then she went for a silent retreat to pray about work-related issues. Instead, God spoke to her about her grief.

“I realised that I was very angry with God even though I didn’t want to. I hadn’t felt it till then. So I scolded Him and scolded Him till I had no more energy left.

“At the end of it, I remember asking God, ‘How is my Eliza now?’ And God was so kind. He gave me a vision of a baby, chubby and crawling. There was no scar, not even the open-heart surgical line. But I knew that was Eliza. God was assuring me that she was okay, she was very okay.

“That was my spiritual breakthrough with God. I could be honest with my feelings with Him. At the end of the day, all my questions may not have an answer. But all I needed to know about Eliza, I knew. She is doing good.”

Ps Jacob’s journey with grief is ongoing.

“Recovery takes time. I cannot deny God is good because of my journey (with Him) for a long time. But it still doesn’t make sense to me. I am still going through ups and downs.”

Ps Jacob is still processing his pain, but uses his personal encounter with grief and loss to minister to his congregation.

One thing that he has found comfort in was what an older pastor told him. Ps Jacob had wondered if it was something he had done wrong that had brought about such a tragedy. But the older pastor told him that God knew which parents were better able to care for a difficult child.

“He said, ‘It’s not anybody’s wrongdoing. It is just the brokenness of the world. God knew that by placing this child with this family, this child will be loved to the best of their abilities.’”

His loss has also marked his ministry. Ps Jacob has a greater empathy now for people. He is working with the lay in his church to extend care to families who have lost loved ones that goes beyond the funeral.

“I tell people, it’s okay to say, ‘I’m struggling. I’m angry with God. But always come back to God and ask the difficult questions.’”

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The post “If God wants to take you home, just go”: Parents told their baby after watching her endure procedure after painful procedure appeared first on Salt&Light.

“My first thought looking at her was: Wow, you are so perfect. I cannot believe that you grew so beautifully. I was just admiring her.

“It was love at first sight. I had never met her before but the moment I saw her, I was just so full of love for her. ”

Charmaine and baby Eliza celebrating her first Mother’s Day.

Little Eliza Althea Lim Chen Xi was born on December 28 in the thick of the COVID pandemic of 2020. Her parents, Ps Jacob Lim and Charmaine, called her their “Christmas gift that came differently”.

She was the baby they never quite expected to have.

A miracle conception

When Ps Jacob and Charmaine got married in 2017, having met each other at Trinity Theological College (TTC), they lost no time in trying for a baby. After all, he was already 36 and she was 34.

Charmaine and Ps Jacob met as students in TTC.

But when no baby came along after a year, the Lims decided to consult a doctor. That was how they discovered that one of Charmaine’s fallopian tubes was blocked. No treatment was necessary. They were simply told to press on. But with her condition, it meant that Charmaine’s chances of getting pregnant was halved.

“I was disappointed. My friends were all conceiving naturally even at this age. We had always wanted kids. Both of us liked kids a lot and we got along very well with children. I had several godchildren by then.

“But there was also a quiet trust that God knows best and, in His time, He would provide.”

While they weighed their options for fertility treatments and then waited for their turn for Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), Charmaine got pregnant. By then, they had been trying to conceive a child for two and a half years.

“We were very shocked. We had tested so many times before and there was nothing. This time, there was a faint line. Never seen the line before,” said Charmaine.

Added Ps Jacob: “There was a lot of disbelief because there were a few times when her menses was just delayed. So we tested a few times just to be sure.”

The devastating news  

The first trimester of pregnancy was challenging. Charmaine experienced morning sickness and appetite changes.

“I couldn’t eat meat and needed a lot of gassy drinks to help me.”

All that disappeared the moment she entered the second trimester, “like a switch” had been flipped. But she developed medical complications. She had gestational diabetes and showed symptoms of preeclampsia. Her blood pressure was constantly very high.

“But I felt very normal.”

Then came the Week 22 detailed pre-natal check-up.

Said Charmaine: “I asked my friends what the scans would be like. They said it was going to be a special, magical moment because you would be able to see all the baby’s organs and details including the 10 fingers. I was looking forward to it very much.”

When the time came, though, the scans revealed that their baby had a heart condition. Apart from a hole in her heart, she had pulmonary atresia. Her pulmonary valve, located between the right ventricle and the pulmonary artery, did not form. So blood could not be pumped from her heart to her lungs to get oxygen to the body.

Explained Ps Jacob: “She would not be able to live. She would be a blue baby because she would not be able to breathe on her own at birth.

“They couldn’t explain why her heart had the condition. It was a rare thing.”

The hope was that, after she was born and had grown to 2.5kg, she could undergo surgery to correct the non-functioning valve. The same surgery would be repeated when she became a toddler and then every 10 years.

A chance to live  

Ps Jacob’s heart broke for his daughter.

“One thought I had was: It’s so tiring and painful and stressful for her. She has to keep going through the cycle (of surgery) again and again. And every time they do it, it’s open-heart surgery. How much pain does this child have to go through?”

Charmaine just “went blank”.

“Then I cried all the way. I was overwhelmed. I thought: If she is a gift that we have been praying and longing for, then what is going on?”

But she never questioned God. At her home church, Church of the Good Shepherd, she had had a youth pastor who had been her mentor. He had a daughter with Down Syndrome to whom Charmaine was a godmother.

“When the pastor’s wife was pregnant and we got to know that the child had Down Syndrome, I had gone through a season of wrestling with God, ‘Why so difficult? Why so unfair?’

“I told God after that, ‘If I ever have a child with special needs, I will keep my child. I know You will see my child through.’”

Ps Jacob had his own struggles.

“I asked, ‘Why like that?’ Of course, there was no answer.

“But I asked myself: With this condition, would I value her any less? No, because she is my daughter. She is a gift from God. It’s a life that is worth to be valued. I would keep her regardless of how difficult it would be.

“We did think: With so many surgical procedures, what quality of life would she have? But if we aborted her, she wouldn’t have a chance to even begin life. So we said, ’Let’s give her that chance.’”

Added Charmaine: “There was also the hope that what if God heals her miraculously in the womb? What if medical science becomes so advanced she needs only one surgery? We really wanted to give her a chance to fight and live.

“There was also this sense that it is not for us to take her life. If God allows her to live, for however long, that is His call. We will be stewards of her life for however long it is.”  

Which was why although they were offered the possibility of terminating the pregnancy, there was never a doubt that the Lims would keep the baby.

It was round about then that they settled on her name – Eliza, which means “consecrated to God”.

Said Charmaine: “All these things about her condition, very cheem (difficult to understand).

“But when the doctor gave us the option to terminate, at that moment, God confirmed to me that she has been pledged to Him. He would be the one to decide what’s next for her, not me because she was consecrated to God.”

They settled on Chen Xi for her Chinese name, which means “hope in the morning”.

Added Charmaine: “We wanted her to have hope every day because we know life would not be easy for her.”

The painful wait

After that, the pregnancy “felt very normal”. Eliza was an active baby who could respond to their voices and to play.

“When you call her by name, she will respond. If you tickle her, she will move. When we watched TV, we could feel her kicking,” said Charmaine.

But at 27 weeks during a routine checkup, Charmaine’s blood pressure was so high that the doctor had her admitted to the hospital for observation.

“They did a series of tests. Every test, they would find something amiss, not enough ions, not enough potassium.

“The drip for the potassium hurt. There was a burning sensation down the whole length of the vein. The drip was for hours and I had to go through it for a few days.

“A question I repeatedly asked God was, ‘Why must healing and treatment be so painful? If it is supposed to be healing, why is it so painful?’”

Charmaine had the old hymn “It is Well with My Soul” and the song “In Christ Alone” “on a loop to keep me going”.

But at Week 31, the doctor told them that Eliza had to be delivered. She had stopped growing.

Three days after Christmas, Charmaine went for a C-section. Just before she was wheeled in, she picked a middle name for Eliza – Althea. The name means “healing” or “wholesome” and represented her hope for her baby.

The first healing

Ps Jacob had to wait outside the operating theatre during the surgery. But as he did, he had “a moment that was bit magical”.

“I heard a baby cry. I thought: Cannot be my baby because my baby is supposed to be a blue baby. She cannot breathe on her own so she cannot cry.”

Just then, he saw the medical team rushing a baby towards the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). As they passed him, he asked if it was his baby. It was.

Ps Jacob and Eliza.

“She was all pink and she was crying and crying very loudly. I called out to her, ‘Eliza.’ She stopped crying and stared at me.”

That, to Ps Jacob, was the first sign of healing. In that moment, he decided that Althea would indeed be his daughter’s middle name.

Read Part 2 of Eliza’s story here.

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The married couple had found joy in cycling amid the pandemic and often went riding around the neighbourhood.

“It was a chill ride that day and Josh asked me, ‘Can I show you a stunt I learned?’ I wasn’t too keen,” recalled Sulyn.

But seeing how excited he was, she could not bring herself to say no.

He cycled ahead and attempted the stunt, but it didn’t go well. Josh fell hard and hit his head on the road.

“I remember blood coming out of his ears. There was blood everywhere. We rushed him to the hospital, but it didn’t look good,” she said.

Her greatest nightmare

In the emergency room, Josh was barely conscious.

He needed emergency surgery, but there was a chance he would not survive the operation.

If he did, he would likely be in a vegetative state. But if Sulyn did not choose surgery, she would lose him that day.

“We nearly lost him on the table, but he pulled through and was moved into the ICU. He never regained consciousness again. As the days went by, his organs started failing,” she said.

Nine days after the accident, Josh passed away on June 8, 2021.

He was 33.

Wrestling with God’s will

Josh and Sulyn had met in Malaysia in 2012 while serving in their church’s worship ministry.

Josh, a programmer and then business coach from the Philippines, and Sulyn, a music teacher, gradually began to know each other better in 2015.

“I found out that he’d always had a crush on me but didn’t know what to do about it,” Sulyn recalled with a smile.

In 2017, the couple got married. For almost four years, they enjoyed a blissful married life.

Josh and Sulyn got hitched in 2017 after having met in church. The song ‘Not Goodbye’, says Sulyn, was her way of honouring Josh and the love they shared.

Josh had a warm personality and loved people. Wherever he went, people loved him back.

So, when news spread that he was fighting for his life, their community and families rallied around them.

“It was a crazy nine days. My stress level was high as family members were looking to me to make decisions,” she said.

When he passed away, guilt and “what-if”s flooded in.

Sulyn replayed the fateful day, thinking: “If only I’d said no. If only we didn’t go cycling.”

It felt as if a piece of her had been ripped out of her chest, she recalled.

“We had prayed very hard for Josh to wake up. But he didn’t, and that was hard to take because we’re told that God is a God who heals,” she said.

“We were wrestling between what we desired and God’s will for Josh’s life.”

Jesus loved and suffered for us first

In the days and weeks that followed, Sulyn experienced a whirlwind of anger and confusion. Yet, she also felt God’s presence surrounding her, tender and gentle.

In her deepest pain, she found that God drew near.

“I grew really close to God. At times, it felt like He was all I had. I knew it before in my head, but this experience helped me realise that He is very kind and good,” she said.

She has never blamed God for the loss. It’s unreasonable, she says, to expect life to be problem-free in a fallen world.

“Jesus suffered so much for us on the Cross, so how can I expect a life free of suffering? Instead, God promises to carry us through. I know the Gospel is real, and I love Jesus because He first loved me,” she said.

Yet, while she knew God’s love was real, her grief was real too.

Letting go through music

From a young age, Sulyn knew that God had wired her for worship. She has written about 20 to 30 songs, though most remain tucked away in her journal.

Last year, she felt a nudge to process her grief through song.

“What really prompted me to write was that I was exploring dating again. I found it difficult to embrace new experiences and soon realised I didn’t have space inside me. I was Josh’s widow (rather than my own person),” she said.

From a young age, God had wired Sulyn for worship, and it was through songwriting that her grief first began to lift.

As music and lyrics flowed from her heart, she completed ‘Not Goodbye’ within a few months. The single was released by Wondersigns in July 2024.

In the chorus, she sings:

I’ve got to let go, but it doesn’t mean you’re gone
I’m just trying to move along 
Trying to make room for more
I’ve got to let go, but it doesn’t mean you don’t live on inside 
It’s not goodbye

“I wanted to honour Josh, who he was, and the love we shared,” Sulyn explained. 

It was during the writing of ‘Not Goodbye’ that her journey of letting go began.

Relearning who she is

Soon after, she felt prompted to go for therapy.

“I wanted to have more capacity for people, but I was in a terrible state,” she said. “Although I had done a lot of work on myself, I was still struggling to relate to others with freedom and ease.”

As part of Wondersigns, the worship ministry of Every Nation Petaling Jaya, Sulyn equips and trains worship ministries across the wider Malaysian Church.

Grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience, and the process is anything but linear, she added.

Sometimes, Christians offer platitudes like, “He’s in a better place now,” or “You shouldn’t be sad; you should rejoice because he’s in heaven.”

“While some of these words are well-intentioned, they can be unhelpful,” Sulyn admitted.

After her therapist diagnosed her with depression, Sulyn realised she needed to break unhealthy patterns she had.

“I was always happy to go with the flow. For years, I lived in Josh’s shadow, and now I’m almost having to relearn who I am — what I like and don’t like,” she reflected.

One of Sulyn’s regrets is that she did not live more in the moment when Josh was still around. She often felt anxious about the future, trying to maintain a sense of control.

Since his passing, however, she has learned to accept that she cannot control everything.

In God’s presence, there is healing

It’s been over three years since the accident, and throughout this time, God has provided her with a strong support system.

A friend from church moved in with her for two months after the funeral to help her adjust, while others brought meals and offered practical assistance.

She also attended a grief recovery support group.

Today, she is doing better, she says. She enjoys restful nights, good meals and leisurely walks. She also finds fulfilment in singing, playing and leading worship.

“Spending time in worship draws you into God’s presence, and you always come away with some degree of restoration or healing. His presence gives life,” she said.

She continues to freelance as a music teacher but spends most of her time with Wondersigns, producing songs and equipping worship leaders for the wider Church.

Turning the page to a new chapter

A verse Sulyn often reflects on is Romans 8:28.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

“We know that some experiences in life are undeniably bad, but God can use them for our good, to make us more like Christ,” she said.

In August, Sulyn began a new relationship with Aaron, a fellow member of her church who also knew Josh. “I feel like Aaron is a gift from God. When he first reached out, I was in terrible shape due to my depression, but he accepted me as I am,” she shared.

She finds comfort in knowing that separation from Josh is temporary because of Jesus.

“I’m so grateful for the Gospel and the promise of being reunited with our loved ones. Without it, I don’t know how I’d cope,” she said.

“The Gospel is filled with hope,” she added. So no matter how chaotic life becomes, Sulyn remains assured that the ending is good.

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Dr Ng was going to be a missionary doctor while Belinda would be doing missions work with the womenfolk. They were the first missionaries from Singapore to Africa sent by the SIM Australia office and would spend the next 12 years there.

“When the plane landed in the capital of Niger, my first thought was: ‘We are finally here in Niger, Africa where God has called us to be.’

“Stepping out of the plane, it was a big culture shock. It was at least 45ºC,” Belinda, now 75, told Salt&Light.

It would take another flight by a light aircraft to get them to the village.

“The aerial view of the area was barren, no trees. There was no control tower, just a landing strip made of dirt.”

Galmi Hospital where Dr Andrew worked.

Her husband was whisked away to Galmi Hospital the moment they landed. He was the only qualified surgeon and there was a surgery awaiting him. Dr Ng would go on to bless countless with his surgical skills throughout his time in Niger. His ties to the country were so deep that when he passed away in 2019, his ashes were buried in Galmi.

Dr Andrew (right) was the only surgeon in the hospital when he first arrived in Galmi. It would be months before another surgeon joined the team.

Said Belinda of that first night: “I was left alone. Every sound from the roof made me scared. When I heard scratching, I remembered the story of a nurse in Galmi who was listening to the transistor radio and found the sound getting fainter and fainter because a thief was stealing the radio. 

“I thought I might have a thief on the roof. My son Nat was so innocent. He was fine but I was scared.”

The Ng family in front of their house at Galmi village.

In time, Belinda would become familiar with the groans and creaks from the house. The scratching she had heard that first night had merely been the branches of trees swaying against the zinc roof of the house. Missionaries before them had planted trees around the house and the hospital to provide shade from the punishing African heat. 

The call to Africa

Belinda became a Christian when she was 15 through Youth for Christ (YFC). Five years later at a Navigators’ Discipleship Conference, she heard God ask: “Are you willing to go to Africa?”

“Before the conference, I had prayed, ‘Lord, teach me a fresh lesson today.’ Now my question to God was, ‘Are You really calling me to be a missionary?’”

At the time, Belinda was actively involved in both YFC and The Navigators Singapore, and was attending Bartley Christian Church. Although she had been reading stories about missionaries, she knew nothing of locals being sent to mission fields.

“I thought maybe God was just testing my faith, like Abraham.”

Throughout the ride home on the bus, she debated with herself. Maybe God only wanted to see if she would go but did not really mean for her to go, much like how He wanted to see if Abraham could give up Isaac but did not mean for him to actually sacrifice his son.

She was an ordinary Christian who had not expected to become one to begin with, much less a missionary. She was still a young believer and had just started working. Besides, how would she be able to break the news to her parents?

“But I realised that I needed to say ‘yes’ because I love the Lord. There was no skirting around the question.

“My prayer was, ‘I will obey You but I will place everything into Your hands.’”

The next morning, during her quiet time, Hebrews 13:20-21 caught her attention.

“It assured me that God would equip me with everything good to do His will. My life is in God’s hands. He is going to do it. I don’t have to do anything. I held on to that verse.”

At church that day, she met Andrew who was just an acquaintance then. He handed her a few copies of a magazine called Africa Now which had been published by SIM. He himself had heard the call to go to Africa.

“At the time, he was interested in me and felt that the Lord was giving him the green light to start a relationship with me. His first attempt was to give me those magazines.”

Then during the service, the visiting speaker, an American who was passing through Liberia, West Africa, talked about how the “harvest in Africa is ripe” and to “ask the God of Harvest to supply the labourers”.

It was confirmation after confirmation of the call to Africa.

The long wait

God did indeed map things out for Belinda as she had asked. He led her to a man – Dr Andrew Ng – who had also been called to Africa. They got married in 1973 after about four years of courtship. At their wedding, Rev EN Poulson, who was then the Dean of Singapore Bible College and who officiated the ceremony, commissioned the couple to be missionaries in Africa.

Dr Andrew and Belinda being commissioned to be missionaries in Africa by Rev EN Poulson at their wedding ceremony.

But it would be another four years before they could set foot on the continent. During that time, they waited to see which part of Africa would open up for them and learnt French in preparation to be in French-speaking parts of Africa.

Belinda with Nathaniel and Dr Andrew when they were in a French school in Albertville, France in preparation for missions work in Africa.

“The waiting was the hardest. Not knowing what was ahead. But I had made a commitment and Andrew was very resolute. Ours was a joint calling,” she told Salt&Light.

“In the uncertainty, the verse that resonated with me was the call of Abraham (Genesis 12:1). When God called him out of Ur, he didn’t know where to go. God was leading him to an unknown place. But we have a God we can trust.”

That trust was put to the test from the get go. Shortly after arriving at Galmi, Belinda discovered she was pregnant. Everyone had been on anti-malaria prophylaxis to protect them from the life-threatening mosquito-borne disease. Now they had a decision to make.

“Should I take the pills to keep malaria, which is endemic in the country, away but is harmful to the foetus? Or not take it and maybe come down with malaria which will also affect the foetus,” said Belinda.

Belinda with Nathaniel while pregnant with Joel.

A missionary’s young child had contracted blackwater fever, the severest type of malaria and, though he survived, had been in a coma for six weeks. The risks were real.

“We decided that I would not take the pills. We just had to keep away from the mosquitoes the best we can. But at night, it was bad. Mosquitoes everywhere.”

Belinda remained malaria-free throughout her pregnancy. In April 1979, baby Joel was born.

The work in Africa

While her husband was thrust into the thick of action as a missionary doctor at Galmi Hospital, a “bush hospital” owned and administered by SIM International, Belinda busied herself with reaching out to the women and children.

She noticed that when the nomads came to the area to attend discipleship programmes, their wives and children were just “hanging around”. So she started literacy classes for them to teach them to read in their native language, Hausas. She also opened her home to the children.

Belinda (with umbrella) walking through the airstrip with the nomadic women on their way to the local church.

Conducting literacy classes with the nomadic Fulani women.

Enjoying singing and storytelling with the children of the nomads at her veranda

“Part of my ministry was to look for ways to reach out to the local people. I had to think of ways to connect with them.”

With another missionary wife, Belinda would go to the surrounding villages with a cassette tape to play Bible stories. They would start at the homes of hospital staff who would then introduce them to more people.

At the local church in which they worship, Belinda would get to know people and, through the relationships, meet others who had yet to hear the Gospel.

“It wasn’t structured. For example, I would hear of someone’s domestic helper who wanted to learn to read. And I would read the Bible with her.”

A small gardening project Belinda started became another source of connections for Christ.

The little garden that provided fresh vegetables that were hard to get in Galmi.

Joel with some of the lush produce from Belinda’s garden.

“We don’t get vegetables there. It’s a desert. So I grew vegetables. We have the theory and we hired locals to help with the labour,” she said.

What she grew, she would freeze in large quantities to share with fellow missionaries. In return, they shared their spoils with her. This became the start of what would be a food cooperative.

Belinda ran Galmi Cooperative twice a week for the missionaries.

“When Andrew went for field council, I would travel with him to buy groceries that were not easy to get where we were – canned food, cooking oil, jam, milk powder, oats.

“I connected with a local trader who would buy things in Nigeria. That’s how I found soya sauce and frozen chicken – because the chicken in Galmi were very scrawny, feathers and all they weighed only 1kg. Then I would set up a shop twice a week.”

Galmi Cooperative was thus born.

The life of a missionary family

The work in Africa did not come without personal sacrifices. There were no international schools where they were so the Ngs had to send their sons to a boarding school 900km or a two-day drive away from Galmi. Nathaniel was eight when he went away. Joel joined him three years later when he started Grade 1.

Dr Andrew and Belinda sending their sons Joel and Nathaniel off to boarding school.

“I prayed Jesus would come again so I didn’t have to send them away. But I was reminded of Isaiah 49:15, the strength of a mother’s love.

“I could get a picture of God’s love. If a mother can love so much, His love surpasses that. The depth of God’s love was something I learnt deeply,” said Belinda.

“Leaving Nat was very hard. There were no phones at the time, no internet. We didn’t even have snail mail. Instead, we had to depend on our plane to convey messages.

“We wrote every week. The kids were encouraged to write to their parents and we wrote also. I have a stack of their letters with me to this day.

“And I would stay up to make cookies for them so that when the plane came, I could send it to them and they could trade with other kids. I would bake into the night.”

The Ng family spent 12 years in Africa. Joel (baby in Belinda’s arms), who was born there, continues to have a heart for the continent.

The family returned to Singapore in 1989, having spent 12 years in Africa. It was Belinda’s experience in the field with her family that gave her a heart for caring for missionaries.

Today, she is based in the SIM East Asia office in Singapore, involved in member care and consulting on the care of missionary kids. She also does pre-field training for missionaries and mentors new missionaries in this region, visiting them in the field to ensure they are cared for even as they serve.

“We visit them so we can pray for them more specifically and share their stories so people know their needs,” she told Salt&Light.

“We also give them moral support, to recognise what they do and not just be interested in how many turn to Jesus. If you serve in a hard place, you can’t count (just the numbers saved).”

Belinda also works with sending churches to prepare not just missionaries but their families for cross-cultural missions.  

“When we go, we want to serve, we want to bless the people in whatever capacity we have.

“But instead, God does a deeper work in us than what He does through us. We are more blessed than us blessing others. We come to know God deeper and to walk in faith.”

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